Nobody gets engaged while thinking about divorce. That is kind of the point of getting engaged.
And yet, somewhere between saying yes and signing the marriage license, a lot of couples find themselves quietly wondering: should we have a conversation about a prenup first?
It is an uncomfortable question to raise, because it feels like the wrong energy to bring into a wedding. It can feel unromantic, or mistrustful, or like you are already planning for things to go wrong before they have even started.
The reality is almost the opposite. A prenup, done right, is a conversation about financial honesty and mutual protection. Couples who have it tend to go into marriage with fewer surprises and clearer expectations than those who avoid it.
This guide explains what a prenuptial agreement actually is, who genuinely benefits from one, what happens if you get married without one, and what to do if you are planning an online wedding and want to get this question answered before you say your vows.
What a Prenuptial Agreement Actually Is
A prenuptial agreement, sometimes called a premarital agreement or simply a prenup, is a legal contract signed by both partners before they get married. It defines how assets, debts, and financial responsibilities will be handled during the marriage and in the event the marriage ends through divorce or death.
It is not a prediction that the marriage will fail. It is a documented agreement about financial expectations, made at a time when both partners are on good terms and thinking clearly, rather than in the middle of a painful or contentious separation.
Think of it less like an exit plan and more like a financial conversation that happens to be written down and made legally binding.
What a Prenup Can and Cannot Cover
What a Prenup Can Typically Address
- How property owned before marriage is classified and protected
- How property and assets acquired during the marriage will be divided if the marriage ends
- Debt responsibility, including student loans, credit card debt, or business liabilities one partner brings into the marriage
- Spousal support or alimony terms in the event of divorce
- Protection of a family business or inheritance
- Financial rights and responsibilities during the marriage itself
- What happens to specific assets, such as a house or investment account, in the event of death
What a Prenup Cannot Do
- Decide child custody or child support arrangements, which courts determine based on the best interests of the child at the time of any proceedings
- Waive a spouse’s right to government benefits they are entitled to by law
- Include provisions that are illegal or that violate public policy
- Override the law in ways that courts in your state do not permit
Who Actually Benefits From a Prenuptial Agreement
Prenups used to be associated with wealthy people protecting large estates. That picture has changed significantly. Today, financial advisors and family law attorneys consistently say prenups make sense for a much broader range of couples.
Couples Where One or Both Partners Have Significant Assets
If you own property, a retirement account, a business, or investments before the marriage, a prenup is the clearest way to establish that those assets belong to you if the marriage ends. Without one, state law determines what happens to them, and the answer varies widely by state.
Couples With Significant Debt
Student loans, credit card debt, and business liabilities do not disappear when you marry. In some states, debt one partner brings into a marriage can become a shared liability under certain circumstances. A prenup can clarify which debts belong to which person.
People Getting Remarried
If you are getting remarried and have children from a previous relationship, a prenup can protect assets you intend to pass to those children. It can also prevent a new spouse from inheriting property that you want to remain in your family line, or clarify financial arrangements that intersect with a prior divorce settlement.
Couples With Very Different Income or Career Trajectories
One partner may be entering medicine or law and expect significant future income. Another may be planning to reduce work to raise children. A prenup can address how those future earning differences factor into financial arrangements, rather than leaving them to be decided by state law during a difficult moment.
Business Owners and Entrepreneurs
If one partner owns or co-owns a business, marriage without a prenup can create complicated questions about whether the other spouse has a claim to part of that business if the marriage ends. A prenup removes that uncertainty for everyone, including business partners who are not part of the marriage.
What Happens If You Get Married Without a Prenup
If you marry without a prenuptial agreement, your state’s marital property laws apply by default. Those laws vary significantly, and they may not reflect what either of you would have chosen if you had discussed it openly.
Community Property States
Nine states, including California, Texas, Arizona, Nevada, Washington, Idaho, Louisiana, New Mexico, and Wisconsin, are community property states. In these states, assets and debts acquired during the marriage are generally considered equally owned by both spouses. Assets owned before the marriage are typically separate, but the line between separate and community property can get blurry over time.
Common Law Property States
In the remaining states, property belongs to whoever earned or purchased it, but courts have significant discretion in dividing marital assets during a divorce. Equitable distribution does not mean equal distribution, and what feels fair to a judge may not match what you would have agreed to between yourselves.
The point is not that the default rules are necessarily unfair. It is that they are not chosen. A prenup lets both of you choose.
Timing: The Prenup and Your Online Wedding
A prenuptial agreement must be signed before the marriage takes place. Once you are legally married, the document becomes a postnuptial agreement rather than a prenuptial one, which has different legal standing in some states and may require additional steps to be enforceable.
If you are planning an online wedding through MarriedLegally and are considering a prenup, the sequence matters:
- Step 1: decide together whether a prenup is something you want to explore
- Step 2: each partner consults with their own family law or estate attorney independently, which is generally required for a prenup to be enforceable
- Step 3: the prenup is drafted, reviewed, negotiated if needed, and signed by both partners
- Step 4: your online wedding ceremony takes place through MarriedLegally
The typical advice is to have the prenup signed at least a few weeks before the wedding, not the night before. Courts have overturned prenups signed under time pressure, arguing that one partner did not have adequate time to review or seek independent advice.
How to Actually Have the Prenup Conversation
The conversation tends to go better when it is framed as a financial planning discussion rather than a what-if-we-divorce discussion. Starting with questions like: what do we each want to protect, what are our financial goals, and how do we want to handle money in this marriage, tends to open things up rather than put anyone on the defensive.
Coming to the conversation with a rough sense of each other’s assets, debts, and financial expectations before bringing up the prenup specifically can also help. It feels less like an ambush and more like a natural continuation of a conversation you were already having.
If one partner is resistant, it is worth exploring what the resistance is actually about. Sometimes it is a genuine philosophical objection. More often it is a fear of what the conversation will reveal, or concern that asking for a prenup signals a lack of trust. Both are worth talking through.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does getting married online change whether we need a prenup?
No. The legal standing of the marriage is identical whether the ceremony happens online or in a traditional venue. The same state property laws apply either way, and the same considerations about whether a prenup makes sense for your situation apply regardless of how the ceremony is conducted.
Can we write a prenup ourselves without attorneys?
You can draft one, but doing so creates real risk. For a prenup to be enforceable, most states require that both parties had independent legal advice and fully understood what they were agreeing to. A document drafted without attorneys is much more likely to be challenged or overturned if the marriage ends. The cost of getting it done properly is modest compared to the cost of a disputed divorce.
What is a postnuptial agreement and is it the same thing?
A postnuptial agreement is signed after the marriage has already taken place. It can cover many of the same topics as a prenup, but it has different legal standing in some states and may require additional requirements to be enforceable. If you want the protection of a formal financial agreement, doing it before the wedding is generally the cleaner path.
We are both in debt and neither of us has much in assets. Do we still need a prenup?
Not necessarily. A prenup is most valuable when there are meaningful assets, business interests, or financial disparities to address. Couples who are starting from a relatively equal financial position with modest assets may find that the default state laws work fine for their situation. That said, a brief consultation with a family law attorney in your state can help you make that call with full information rather than guesswork.
Can MarriedLegally help us with a prenup?
We are a marriage service, not a law firm, so drafting or reviewing a prenuptial agreement falls outside what we do. What we can tell you is that the attorney who handles your marriage license is a licensed attorney who can speak to your Utah-specific questions. For prenup preparation, we recommend engaging a family law attorney licensed in your home state.
How long does a prenup take to put together?
It depends on the complexity of the assets involved and how much negotiation is needed. Simple prenups with straightforward financial situations can sometimes be completed in a few weeks. More complex situations involving businesses, significant real estate, or blended family considerations can take longer. Starting the process well before your wedding date is always the right call.
Ready to Get Married? We Handle the Legal Ceremony, You Handle the Conversation.
If you have decided a prenup makes sense for your situation, get that done first with independent legal counsel in your state. Once it is signed, we are ready to make your marriage official quickly and simply, from wherever you are.
If you have decided a prenup is not for you, that is a completely valid choice too. Either way, we are here when you are ready to make it legal.
For general background on how marital property laws vary by state, you can check USA.gov’s official marriage law guide.
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